Behind today’s NFL headlines


Here’s our attempt once again to at least bring a smile to your face. In this week that started out with the NFL Draft, rose to the level of the $110 million Aaron Rodgers earned, continued with the weeklong grades given out to all the draft picks, carried on with the coming out of Jason Collins and was then topped off when former Packer LeRoy Butler lost a speaking engagement when he supported Collins comes to an end today with these NFL headlines.

So it’s time to lighten things up a bit. We take all the headlines that appeared on profootballtalk.com’s Saturday morning one-liners and add our own take. We try to be humorous – sometimes we are … sometimes not so much.

We’ll give our best shot … smile if you like.

 

Saturday morning one-liners

The Bills are looking for extras for a film that will shoot scenes at Ralph Wilson Stadium on May 25.

We think the Bills have plenty of extras on their football team who might be looking for some extra cash.

 

Pats rookie S

Duron Harmon
Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

says his NFL experience matches his college one, so far; “It just literally feels like Rutgers,” Harmon said. “I see where Coach Schiano got some of his sayings, the structure of his program from.”

Does that include Coach Schiano’s way of dealing with defending against the opposing team’s victory formation?

 

Dolphins rookie RB Mike Gillislee looked good in Friday’s minicamp practice, via James Walker of ESPN.com.

Just how good did he look? Was his hair combed?

 

The Jets have organized a 5K walk to raise funds for Lupus research.

Well, now that Tebow is gone, they finally have SOME good news.

 

Ravens rookie NT Brandon Williams can walk on his hands for 10 seconds, which is even more impressive given that he has a “huge chip on [his] shoulder” from playing Division II college football.

Now if he can stop the run while walking on his hands … now that would be special.

 

Le’Veon Bell

Steelers RB Le’Veon Bell may not be a Hall of Famer, but he’s wearing a Hall of Famer’s number.

Well, that’s a start, but a long way from Canton.

 

Bengals LT Andrew Whitworth took TE Tyler Eifert and his family to dinner last Friday; “Great family.  Great kid.  He’s hungry.  He’ll fit right into this locker room. What upset me more than anything is that’s he’s a scratch golfer,” Whitworth said.

I’m glad that Eifert is hungry and was given the chance to go to dinner.

 

Browns defensive backs coach Louie Cioffi is “excited” to be back in the AFC North.  (Calm down, Tebow.)

I’m not sure anyone who is with the Browns could be THAT excited.

 

Jim Irsay
Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

Colts owner Jim Irsay is helping the owner of a Colts-themed restaurant pay the rent in order to keep the doors open.  (At least the guy didn’t partner with Paulie.)

Shouldn’t that qualify for some kind of government handout?

 

Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel doesn’t understand why the Jaguars will take a chance on troubled WR Justin Blackmon but not on Jacksonville native Tim Tebow.

Hmmmm … a talented wide receiver who might need some guidance over a quarterback who can’t hit the broad side of a barn? Tough decision.

 

New Titans S George Wilson and TE Delanie Walker joined the team’s traveling offseason caravan.

Just what are the Titans selling with that traveling caravan? Maybe they can buy some wins?

 

The failure of the Sun Life Stadium renovation bill significantly enhances the Texans’ chances of hosting Super Bowl LI.

It seems like the Texans have been the bridesmaid and never the bride these past few years.

 

Broncos TE Jacob Tamme thinks WR

Wes Welker
Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

is “awesome.”  (Calm down,Chris Farley.)

Wes Welker IS awesome and the Broncos think so, too, because they got him for such a nice price.

 

Chiefs WR Donnie Avery sees similarities between QB Alex Smith and QB Andrew Luck.

Well, they were both first overall selections in the draft and … and … well, I can’t think of anything else. Can you?

 

Get to know Raiders DT Vance Walker.

Do we have to?

 

Yes, the Chargers opted for a Division III quarterback over Tim Tebow.

So did everyone else.

 

Cowboys rookie WR Terrance Williams was known as “the enforcer” at Baylor because of a no-nonsense reputation that allowed him to keep teammates in line.

Sounds like he’ll be loved in Dallas.

 

A general view of logos around the field prior to the NFC Wild Card playoff game between the Washington Redskins and the Seattle Seahawks at FedEx Field. Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

The Redskins have assigned numbers to their draft picks.  (To assist with jersey sales, each rookie also will have “III” added after his last name.)

Let’s just hoping they don’t have to be members of the Redtails.

 

Former Eagles LB Jeremiah Trotter makes his acting debut in a film called The North Star.

Oh great, another football player turning to acting. I thought they all learned their lesson with Jim Brown.

 

Performances at the Senior Bowl attracted the Giants to OT Justin Pugh and QB Ryan Nassib.

Now that’s pretty big news.

 

WR Duron Carter’s decision to try out for the Vikings and not the Ravens was driven by the presence of receivers coach George Stewart in Minnesota; “It was really 50-50,” the son of Cris Carter said.  “Coach Stewart is really what got me in here. He’s got a great history with T.O. and Roddy White.”

If Carter’s kid can push off like his old man, he’ll be in the Hall of Fame, too.

 

Get to know the Packers’ undrafted free agents.

We already know them.

 

Sixth-round DE Cornelius Washington could be a steal for the Bears.

Yeah, that’s the only way the Bears can get decent players … they have to steal them.

 

Lions DT

Ndamukong Suh
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

is raising awareness and research funds for pediatric brain cancer, in support of the Jack Hoffman foundation.

That’s nice. Really. But maybe he needs to raise awareness and research funds for those suffering from stomping disease.

 

The Panthers have high hopes for 32-year-old CB Drayton Florence.

Why are the Panthers even dealing with a 32-year-old QB when they have Cam Newton.

 

The Buccaneers expect rookie fourth-rounder Akeem Spence to be the starting nose tackle in 2013.

And this is the biggest news coming out of Tampa Bay?

 

Former Panthers K John Kasay will deliver the commencement address at Wingate University on May 11.

And in other news, Cam Newton will be delivering the commencement address to the second grade graduating class of the kid in the Play 60 commercial.

 

The Saints worked out British Olympian , who eventually signed with the 49ers.

And Okoye is still trying to figure out how to put on shoulder pads.

 

Cardinals defensive line coach Brentson Buckner has the ability to connect with his players; “I speak their language,” Buckner said.  “It’s crazy to look around. I am one of the young guys out there and then coaching the position I actually played.  It makes it easier for a player because now they trust what I say, because now I’m not talking about how somebody told me to play a block or how to play a technique.”

Yeah, sure. Whatever you say coach.

 

Seahawks offensive line coach Tom Cable raves about the “retention” of his players’ fitness and preparedness; “It goes to show the type of guys coach [Pete] Carroll and John Schneider are bringing,” Cable said.  “They’re bringing in not only five-star athletes, but they’re bringing in five-star people that understand what it takes and what they need to do to prepare at the highest level.”

Yeah, Cable knows all about five-star players … remember all the success he had in Oakland?

 

The Rams may have gotten a keeper with pick No. 113, Alabama OL Barrett Jones.

Well, yeah, they’re probably right about that one.

 

49ers TE Garrett Celek learned last year by studying Vernon Davis.

Sounds like Vernon Davis is the name of a class.

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