The Jacksonville Jaguars certainly are attracting some attention with their designation of rookie Denard Robinson as an OW on their official roster, as in Offensive Weapon. He’s the first player to get that special designation. A little premature isn’t it? Robinson hasn’t played a down and could get hurt or cut before he plays a game. OW! That would be bad.
The NFL has a love affair with weapons, at least metaphorically. You know, the war in the trenches. He’s a gunner. Take no prisoners. There’s your dagger. I am fine with that. They are just metaphors. They just hit a wrong note with some people these days.
Aaron Hernandez may soon be listed as MW on the official roster at the Bristol County House of Corrections, as in Multiple Weapons. Hernandez, if you’ve been in a cave recently and didn’t know, was arraigned and charged with murder and five gun-related charges Wednesday.
So here is my list of new roster designations for some Packers players, minus the reference to weapons. Yes, this is silly. Which is my whole point about Jacksonville’s recent announcement.
Mason Crosby – RK. Rally Killer. Harsh, but true for part of last season. His designation could quickly change to GW, or game-winner, with a few clutch kicks. To his credit, he turned things around late in the season.
Johnny Jolly – SC. Second Chance. Sure hope he kicks the “purple drank” habit. However, it would appear to me that Greg Jennings and Desmond Bishop have swallowed some of that stuff.
Terrell Manning – LD. Longest Dreadlocks. According to recent roster photos, it looks like Manning may have the longest on a team with a lot of dreads. There currently are no rules regarding the length of hair in the NFL. Could a Packer player be the one to push the dreaded envelope too far?
Giorgio Tavecchio – LW. Lightweight. At 178 pounds, I don’t believe he is a threat to run the ball on fourth down or tackle someone after a kick. He gives up nearly 30 pounds to Crosby. Let’s hope for Giorgio’s sake the battle for kicker doesn’t come down to arm wrestling.
Randall Cobb – TM. Tomato Man. The tomato is the most versatile of vegetables. More versatile than corn on the cob. Had to throw in a cooking reference for the ladies to spice things up.