5 Things You Won’t Hear Anywhere Else

Here are some statements that you will never hear other than here.  Some are attempts at being humorous, while others are legitimate predictions, that only I am ballsy enough to make. Yeah, I said ballsy. Its a funny word, and I enjoy using it. So get your red pens ready to rip apart my predictions, that honestly most likely won’t happen… but if they do! Then everyone that read this owes me a cupcake or something. I will be doing a lot of these posts until the season begins, in no pattern, so when you log onto Lombardi Ave in the future and see “5 Things You Won’t Hear Anywhere Else”, I suggest you do a jig, then calm down, and dig in.

The emboldened ones are the actual predictions, and the other ones, are simply things that you won’t hear people say.

1. The Oakland Raiders will have at least a .500 season this year. With an improved defense, and an evolving offense with many young talents, the perennial “freebie wins” on opponents schedules, have become a formidable foe. Yes, they haven’t won more than five games since 2002. I know, but last year they showed glimpses  of promise. They defeated the Philadelphia Eagles, the Bengals, and then stormed Pittsburgh and upset them as well. The Raiders are finally pointed North, and mark my words, will win 8 games next year.
2. “Honey, that’s Brett Favre sitting at that table over there! My, he hardly looked at that menu. He is  a very efficient decison-maker! And there certainly aren’t dentures in his mouth. Oh, and look who he is sitting with, Ted Thompson and Tracy Porter.”
3. The New England Patriots will not be joining the playoff party this year. There defense is mediocre at best and nothing in comparison to the division rival Miami Dolphins and New York Jets’ defenses. They have no running game. Logan Mankins and Tom Brady are unhappy. With a tough schedule and a very competitive AFC East, I am going all in against Bill Belichick and his humble pie theology.
4. “Kids, I would like to introduce to you, the Green Bay Packers defensive lineman Johnny Jolly. He is here to speak to you today about the danger of drugs, especially codeine syrup, which is now commonly called, Jolly Juice.”
5. The Green Bay Packers’ offensive line will only allow rocket armed Aaron Rodgers’ million dollar butt slam to the turf 20 times or less this season. After allowing 50 sacks last year, the Packers’ offensive line was considered porous and week. However, after a took out my handy dandy magnify glass and took a closer look at the situation, I realized that 41 of those sacks were given up in their first 9 games. Only 10  sacks were given up in the last 7 games. That is a great reversal, and I expect that pattern to continue. The most important part of an offensive line, is their camaraderie. This team of 5 over sized gentlemen will have a year under their belt, and a deep bench behind them. 20 or less!