To Lovie or not to Lovie? That is Bearly the question

Lovie Smith is looking for a new home. Could it be in Green Bay?

By Darryl Krejci

To Lovie or not to Lovie, that is the question.

After the past season or two, many of us have tired of the failing defensive schemes, missed tackles, blown assignments and total gashing of the D Line in playoff losses and regular season beat-downs (which is defined by anything other than a victory of more than 47 points).  Like Caesar at the Coliseum, we are calling for the heads of those who have failed and look for the next Spartacus.

But is Lovie our Spartacus?

Full disclosure, yes I am in the camp that is calling for the end of Dom Capers time in Green Bay as I can no longer handle the anguish that comes with each defensive performance that is a cross between the Three Stooges, Keystone Cops and every Road Runner and Wiley E. Coyote cartoon that has aired.

But Lovie?!?!?

Let’s break this down from a rational standpoint.

First, he was with the Bears. That should be enough to end the conversation right there. It would be paramount to hiring Ditka to run, well run, anything associated with the Green and Gold. Look at our past history, the last guy of any note that came from the Bears to Green Bay was Jim McMahon. All he did was embarrass us at the White House by wearing a Bears jersey. You might be able to take the player/coach out of Chicago, but ya can’t take da Bears out of the guy.

Putting Lovie on “OUR” sidelines would cause not only Curly and Vince to roll over a few times in their graves, but I truly believe that by placing Lovie on the Packers’ sideline it would cause a tear in the fabric of time and space and result in a complete shift of the magnetic poles, plunging the world into a thousand years of darkness!

Secondly, I can’t get past the name. It is not that it is a bad name but does it instill fear?  At least with the name Dom, it harkens back to the days of the Godfather.  Imagine Michael Corleone sitting there with his Lieutenants planning their next job and in walks their trigger guy, Lovie. Where is the fear? Where is the edge? All I can think of is Thurston Howell III calling for his wife Lovie and asking her where his teddy bear is (which leads to how did the Professor manage to build a radio out of coconuts but could not figure a way off that island?).

I want a defense that is run by a man that when he walks into a room, even the great Ray Nitschke would be in awe. What would Ray say about a guy named Lovie (let alone from the Bears)? There would be this low rumbling and growl then a flash and then pieces of this and that scattered all over. He never would allow such a thing to happen.

Lovie Smith is a man without a team. Raymond T. Rivard photograph

Third, when Lovie was hired he proclaimed his goal was to defeat the Packers. What was his overall record against us, 2 and 32?  I mean we owned them, he wore a big ole’ “L” on his jacket not cause it was his initial but because it stood for the losses we inflicted on his teams. Losses, means lack of wins, means one who does not bask in the glow of victory. Is that what we want for our Defense? A guy that can’t be victorious? We have that now (to a lesser degree).  I do not want to hear about how his defenses were so good. I subscribe to the philosophy that defense wins championships. How many of those did Lovie win? NADA, ZERO, ZILCH and ZIP!  His defenses did not result in anything more than the sum of nothing. I want a coach that will employ a defense that has more swag than Chuck Norris. In fact that is the answer! We need Chuck Norris to be the next defensive coordinator.

Finally, let us be realistic, would Lovie really want to come to Green Bay?  I consulted with some of the top names in NFL circles, OK so I talked to the gang down at Crabby’s Diner. Slim and Shorty said Lovie probably wants to take some time off and thaw out from all those years freezing his backside off at Soldier Field. Grandpa Bob said that if Lovie even tried to cross from Ashwaubenon into Green Bay it would be a cold day in Cudahy before the Packer faithful would allow such a thing and then old Joe Kano who says he remembers watching Curly play at the old City Stadium, said that having Lovie coach the defense would be like ordering a second plate of pancakes.

It might look good on the menu but once you get it in front of you, you have to think to yourself, ‘man that was a silly thing to do.’

So the question remains, to Lovie or not to Lovie?

I go back to my pick for the next defensive coordinator, Chuck Norris  Simply because it is Chuck Norris and who in their right mind is going to tell him he cannot coach the defense?

Pass the pancakes!