The ‘real’ stories behind the NFL news headlines


If NBC sportscaster Bob Costas can have his say every Sunday night, then we can do so here on any time we want.

Debby Wong-USA TODAY Sports

For those of you who follow religiously like me, you know how they do a great job with their daily team “one-liners.”

I love perusing through the list and clicking on the links that are of interest to find out what’s happening around the league. We all know the NFL is a prime source for soap opera-level news and there isn’t a day that goes by where there isn’t some headline that makes everyone following football yank their head around or at least raise an eyebrow.

I love it, you love it, we all love it.

So today I decided that because the snow is falling outside, the ground has at least two feet of snow on it, the lakes are about three feet thick and baseball is sucking right now that I would have some fun with these headlines.

What I’m about to do is counter each of the headlines that appeared this morning on today’s one-liners with my own thoughts on the issue at hand … and as a warning, some of these may not be young-age appropriate. No, they won’t be XXX either, though if there were one about Super Bowl XXXII, I might have some derisive words of choice.

However, I don’t think that will be the case. So, here we go … I will post each of the real headlines that were included in today’s one-liners and follow it up with my own thoughts … or maybe my own headline, depending on how I feel at the moment.

Enjoy …

Saturday morning one-liners

Here’s the full list of the Bills’ pre-draft visitors

… Or what’s the best way to scare away players …

Rob Gronkowski

Mark L. Baer-USA TODAY Sports

Entering his eighth NFL season, Patriots K Stephen Gostkowski has the fourth longest tenure on the team.

We wonder if it’s because everyone’s been partying like Gronk …

The Dolphins believe they have the ammunition to trade up from No. 12 to No. 1, but they most likely won’t.

Well, why even mention it then?

Jets DL Muhammad Wilkerson looks forward to becoming a leader of the defense.

Yes, but will the Jets have anyone to lead the offense?

Steelers C Maurkice Pouncey says he definitely will be taking on a leadership role.

Didn’t he have the role before?

Bengals RB Bernard Scott, who re-signed on Friday, explained that he’s “comfortable” and “happy” in Cincinnati.

Now, who in their right mind would admit to that?

The Ravens have hosted UConn LB

Linebacker Sio Moore

Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports


And did they wine and dine him, too?

Former Browns player and employee Ricky Feacher, now a substitute teacher and coach, was arrested this week on drug and traffic charges.

I guess now he will be a former teacher and coach, eh?

Titans TE Delanie Walker, who lost an aunt and uncle to a drunk driver after the Super Bowl, has pledged support for a bill in Tennessee that would require ignition interlock devices for first offenders.

And that IS a good thing.

Texans RB Arian Foster has made it to the semifinals of the latest contrived ballot process for determining whose photo will appear on the cover of a popular-but-underwhelming video game that, if the technical upgrades were as good as the promotional efforts, would be a much better product.

Wow. I don’t know how to top that convoluted headline …

The Indianapolis Star continues to look at the Colts’ worst picks; the latest was made in the third round of the 2005 draft, at a time when RB Darren Sproleswas still on the board.

Sheesh … Don’t The Star employees have anything better to do? has the team taking DE/LB

Dion Jordan

Pat Lovell-USA TODAY Sports

with the second pick in the draft.

Wise choice, though any choice by the Jags is an upgrade

The Chiefs likely will start the 2013 regular season on the road, due to the Royals’ schedule.

What is this? First it’s the Ravens being pushed around by the Orioles and now it’s the Chiefs – but this is twice as bad because it’s the ROYALS!

The Broncos have released pictures of their new giant video boards.  (We look forward to it playing this song.)

Will they be premiering it by showing the replay of that bomb from Flacco at the end of overtime in that playoff game last year?

The Chargers’ list of pre-draft visitors includes Alabama G Chance Warmack.

The Chargers should just kidnap him because we all know he wants to go to Tennessee.

The Raiders’ official 2013 draft party will be held at the Buffalo Wild Wings in San Ramon.  (Fans will be able to throw darts at the board the team previously used when making picks.)

Oakland Raiders fan Wayne Mabry aka Violator

Kirby Lee/Image of Sport-USA TODAY Sports

Now this is a great idea … Raiders fans dressed in their best eating wild wings. Will there be beer, too?

The biggest question marks in the Redskins’ starting lineup (apart from the health of QB Robert Griffin IIIcome at the safety position.

Oh, boo-hoo. Every team has injuries. We don’t feel your pain, Daniel Snyder.

The Cowboys, once a Team of the Decade, are now settling for slightly less meaningful honors.

Yeah, like chumps of the decade.

Could the Eagles trade down from No. 4?

Now, why would they do that? Is Chip Kelly stupid?  

Former Giants LB Marcus Buckley has been accused of workers’ compensation fraud; Buckley allegedly received $1.588 million to which he wasn’t entitled.

Holy crap! Football player get workman’s comp? No wonder the rest of us can’t be considered eligible … he took it all!  

California Golden Bears kicker Giorgio Tavecchio

Packers K Giorgio Tavecchio was working as a student-athlete tutor at Cal before receiving an email inviting him to work out for the team.

What? The Packers didn’t text him, too? What about Skype?  

The Vikings are looking for a new, well, Viking.

Hey! What happened to the the revolting guy they used to have? I could smell him through the television!  

The Bears hosted 50 local prospects on Friday.  (Hopefully one of these guys will finally get a shot.)

Holy prospects? I’m hoping they all had name tags!  

Former Lions K Jason Hanson believes QB Matthew Stafford will soon make the Lions his team.

Whose team was it before? Was Matt Millen still hanging around?

For Mother’s Day, the Buccaneers will provide makeovers to 50 mothers of current military members.

Oh how nice. I mean it. That is really nice. I can’t say anything bad about that.  

Saints DL Akiem Hicks will primarily serve as a nose tackle in the 3-4 defense, but he’ll also work at defensive end.

C’mon man. Just give him a job … don’t confuse him.

With all the talk about the Falcons’ defensive ends, it’s easy to forget they have apretty good defensive tackle.

Ok, who is it? You mean I have to click on the hyper link? Oh, OK …  

Panthers RB

Jonathan Stewart

Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

plays the piano and hopes to pursue a career in music after football.

And in the meantime, this guy has made plenty of defenses sing the blues.  

The 49ers have added QB Steve Young and coach George Seifert to the committee that hopes to host Super Bowl L.

And the Packers will have Brett Favre and Mike Holmgren promoting to host Super Bowl L in Packers News

Rams CB Janoris Jenkins largely stayed out of trouble in 2012, but his online photos suggest that trouble is never that far away.

Why is it that some people are so stupid?

Cardinals RB Ryan Williams believes his season-ending shoulder injury helped buy more time for his ruptured patellar tendon from 2011 to heal.

Real healthy guy, I would say.

Richard Sherman in a common pose.

Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

Seahawks CB Richard Sherman did something on Thursday night that half the league doesn’t do.

What did he do? Oh I know – he stopped talking …