'Daddy, why does the (Green Bay Packers) defense suck?'

“WHAT THE HELL! ” Vince Lombardi. Photo Credit: USA Today Sports Images

“WHAT THE HELL! ” Vince Lombardi. Photo Credit: USA Today Sports Images

“WHAT THE HELL” those words have been uttered countless times in the last week, two weeks, eight weeks, and 104 weeks.

So often I try to make light of the issues at hand.  Conspiracies, Illuminati and all kinds of other fun things to twist and turn to explain the sickening failures of this team.

But now, there is no grumpiness, there are no conspiracy theories, there is no laughter, there is nothing but unabashed, complete and total frustration, teetering between chaos and anarchy.  I am at that point where I want to drive North, wait at the gates of Lambeau Field and like many other fans, shout out all that we are feeling.

Release the Kraken!

So as a fan where do I focus my anger? Well to quote my 11-year-old daughter who asked, “Dad, why does the defense suck?” I must begin with the one man whose head I have called for countless times in the last few years. Dom Capers, pack you bags and get the hell out of town!!

Dom Capers should be fired!

How do you stop n offense? Don’t ask this man, he can’t stop a taxi … Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports photograph

Where did you learn to scheme and design defenses? This prevent, soft cushion lack of attack crap that you utilize week-in and week-out can’t stop squat and that is being kind. Do I need to go back and point out every defensive failure that comes at your hands?

Oh wait! You did spend a considerable amount of time studying the run and shoot, pistol, mobile, launch a rocket into space offense that burned you in last year’s playoffs. That sure did a hell of a lot of good this year as the defense gets torched again and again.

God almighty man, you just got your backside handed to you by a green quarterback who completed only a dozen or so passes but made your defense look like Swiss cheese (and that is an insult to Swiss cheese).  You were clueless as to what to do or how to stop it. This is the NFL, “Not For Long” league, well you have been here too long!

Adios!

Besides the fact that your schemes suck pond water, you have yet to resolve the three most glaring issues on defense.

First, tackle. As defined in just about any dictionary it means to physically stop another person’s momentum by impeding their ability to move.  Playing paddycake, pushing and slapping at opposing players does not meet the definition of tackle. Tackling involves a forceful action that drives another person to the brink of tears as they are embedded into the turf. Think of Wiley E. Coyote falling from a cliff and making a crater the size of Istanbul. That is what we want to see.

Seriously, I have seen my own two kids tackle each other with more force and blunt force trauma inflicted than this pansy-ass stuff you are trying to pass off as tackling. I am starting to think that pink tutu that Jay Cutler wears might look better on you!

Secondly I would like to introduce you to two words, they are pass and rush. When combined it creates the word pass rush.  This means to create an amount of pressure against an opposing quarterback to such a degree that it affects his ability (or hers if playing Jay Cutler) to effectively throw the ball.

This concept seems to have once again alluded you as a one-armed, seeing impaired, sea monkey, could torch your defense to the tune of 364 yards. Granted, there have been injuries to your defense, but excuses don’t get the job done. By the way, I heard they are rebuilding the Titanic. You might want to buy a ticket on that since you are so good at captaining a sinking ship!

Finally, that leaves the inability of your defense to create turnovers. At this point in the season, the only turnover your guys are going to get is the one you buy at the bakery. I am ready to buy a box and send them up to you so you get a feeling of what one is, but I am afraid that you would drop the box and someone would pull a hamstring bending down to get it.

So, Dom, as I said last year when you failed against Frisco, it is time for you to go. I would rather see someone with no experience take your place, at least then there would be a reason to say the “Defense Sucks.”

It is truly sad when my daughter, can look at the game and point out the failures of your defense. Then again, maybe she needs to come up there and teach you how to design a defense and your guys how to tackle. So now is the time to pack up and move out.  The season may still be saved on the defensive side, but not if you are there to guide it.

After the defense I have to give props to the strength and conditioning team in conjunction with the medical staff. Great way to create job security by making sure that there is an abundance of muscle strains, tears, and pulls to make sure you have enough work to keep you employed until 2065.

At this point, we have to trust in the abilities of Scott Tolzien. Raymond T. Rivard photograph

At this point, we have to trust in the abilities of Scott Tolzien.
Raymond T. Rivard photograph

I, along with thousands of other Packers fans, would love to know what it is that you do up there to help “prevent” these injuries. We all understand that this is a violent game. Broken bones, torn tendons and ligaments are understandable. Concussions and horrific injuries like Jermichael Finley‘s can be understood and chalked up to it being the violence that is the game.

But what are you guys doing to prevent all these soft tissue, muscle-related injuries? Is it a lack of conditioning in your program that does not have these men in top physical condition? Is it that you are overworking them (which I doubt based on the latest collective bargaining agreement)? Is it a failure to properly treat the injuries causing a longer recovery period?

It totally boggles my mind how so many guys can go down in the course of a season with these types of injuries. I don’t see other teams facing this type of adversity. In my book (and many others’) we all are starting to wonder what the hell you are getting paid to do up there?

Finally, I have to lay some of the blame on Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy. I understand that you cannot plan for every contingency and every injury.  Yet you both failed to adequately address the backup quarterback position. In doing so you put this team at a great disadvantage.

Seneca Wallace was not the answer. Vince Young was not the answer and a washed up Matt Flynn is not the answer. I have more faith in Scott Tolzien than anyone else you have brought in, but you cannot expect a practice squad player to step in and command a game at a level that will keep you in the hunt for the playoffs. You both dropped the ball and we as fans expected better.

I want to make it clear – I have not jumped off the Packers bandwagon.  I still have my daily cup of Packer Kool Aid, and I will never abandon my team. But it pains me to see this season slip away when it was so promising. It kills me to watch the same issues come back game after game and keep us from reaching the expectations set by the team and the fans.

LeSean McCoy and DeSean Jackson can't stop laughing about how bad the Packers defense was in trying to stop them. Bob Stanton-USA TODAY Sports photograph

LeSean McCoy and DeSean Jackson can’t stop laughing about how bad the Packers defense was in trying to stop them. Bob Stanton-USA TODAY Sports photograph

Guys, I am out of jokes, I am out of laughter and conspiracy theories to explain this.

Prove me wrong. I dare you!

I double dog dare you to prove me wrong.

Show me this season is not over with and that the fat lady has not sung her swan song on the frozen tundra.

Win baby win, because an 8-8 record is starting to look like a long shot at this point.

Go Pack Go …

PLEASE!

 

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