Detroit Lions At Green Bay Packers: Streaking Is Legal In Wisconsin
By Bill Walton
Fearsome Predictions
DISCLAIMER: The writer assumes no responsibility and claims no expertise in the area of predicting random occurrences during sporting contests. If something accidentally occurs that the writer predicted, it is entirely coincidental and not the fault of, nor can credit be attributed to, the writer. Blah-blah-legalese-blah.
– Packers QB Aaron Rodgers will throw for three touchdowns with no picks.
Johnathan Franklin
Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports
– Packers RB Jonathan Franklin will lead the Packers in rushing yards.
– Packers RB Eddie Lacy will be the second leading rusher for the Packers.
– Packers FB John Kuhn will have one rushing TD for the Packers.
– Packers WR James Jones will lead the Packers in receiving yards.
– Packers WR Randall “Cobbernicus” Cobb will catch at least one TD pass.
– Packers QB Aaron Rodgers will be sacked twice and hurried often but will persevere and overcome.
– Packers TE “Good” Jermichael Finley will make a spectacular catch. (a perpetual prediction)
– Packers TE “Bad” Jermichael Finley will drop at least one easily catchable pass. (also a perpetual prediction)
– Packers PK Mason Crosby will not miss a kick. (would love for this to be a perpetual prediction too!)
– Lions QB Matthew Stafford will be sacked three times. Packers LB Clay Matthews will have one of them and Packers DL Datone Jones another.
Sam Shields and Morgan BurnettJeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports
– Lions QB Matthew Stafford will be picked twice. Packers CB Sam Shields will get one of them.
– Packers DL Johnny Jolly will bat at least one pass down and have four tackles, two for loss.
– The Packers will have fewer penalty yards than will Detroit.
– The Packers will have more total rushing yards than will Detroit.
– The Packers will have more passing yards than will Detroit.
– The Packers will have more first downs than will Detroit.
– The Packers will have more time of possession than will Detroit.
– Lo the broadcast television spirits have verily and forsooth heard your anguished cries emanating from hither and yon all over the planet oh Packer Nation. Delivered unto you this Sunday for the Lions game will be the Fox broadcast team of Kenny Albert, Daryl “Moose” Johnston, and Tony “Goose” Siragusa! OK granted these guys aren’t the second coming of a team like Summerall and Madden, but at least we get a break from Ache-man and The Incredible Mouth. They’ll be in Chicago for Saints at Bears instead. Thank you!
– The television audience will be treated to at least one montage of the lineage of egregious Suh penalties over his short but remarkably violent career. This is an easy one.
– If Suh does lose his self-control (wait…he had some to begin with?) in this game and puts a foot where it doesn’t belong or goes after somebody’s knees he’ll be suspended. Any leeway or wiggle room he might have had is already used up this season- and hopefully for good.
– The television audience will be treated to lots of talk about how the (insert team name here) Lions are a much-improved team and that they are the favorites (in week five of the NFL season mind you) to win the NFC North.
Jermichael Finley and quarterback Aaron Rodgers celebrate a touchdown during the second quarter against the Washington Redskins at Lambeau Field. Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports photograph
Because the game will be played early Sunday afternoon and won’t be televised locally here in Southeast Texas, we’ll head over to our favorite local hangout (Tailgators!) to watch the game with Packers fans and friends. Also present will be a bunch of well-lubricated Saints fans, disappointed but still despicable Bears fans, an overwhelmed Lions fan or two, and a smattering of Eagles and Giants fans. Maybe even a Pats, Colts, or Chiefs fan too. And as usual…all in one room. It’ll be loud, close, and not very civilized. However, we Packers fans will show up in large numbers and we expect to make the most noise and have the most to cheer about!